FORGOT TO PUT SOMETHING ON DID WE!!!

For those of you who didn’t come and see it, I was in pantomime last week. I was playing the role of Aladdin which involved very little acting as I just had to walk around being rather cocky!! Throughout the pantomime I had been wearing a ring – by rubbing the ring I could summon the ‘Slave of the Ring’ who would grant me my every wish. During the last scene I gave the ring back to the slave thereby giving him his freedom.

I had to change my costume during the interval so I’d taken the ring off so as not to ladder my tights. It wasn’t until approx 1 min before I had to give the ring to the slave that I realised I wasn’t wearing it. Unfortunately I was on stage! What followed was not unlike the scene in four weddings and a funeral when Hugh Grant has forgotten the wedding rings! Transpired the only ring on stage was being worn by the slave himself, so with a slight of the hand, he gave me his ring – I then gave it back to him in a dramatic flourish!!!

Marvellous I thought – that’s my enormous gaff for the week over and done with. I was so wrong!!

I’d taken the week off work and on Friday afternoon I was very tired so decided to have a nap. I couldn’t be arsed to put on my pyjamas so I just took my bra off and slept in what I was wearing. I woke up, got ready, went to the theatre and prepared to get changed into my Aladdin outfit. Only then did I realise I’d forgotten to put my bra back on!

Obviously this was a major issue. I confided in the ladies next to me that I had forgotten my bra and transpired that some of them had spare bras. Amazing I thought – I can’t manage to bring one bra and some people have brought as many as 3!!!

So the day was saved! And then a lovely surprise was to follow. I popped on the bra that was being leant which was several cup sizes larger than I usually wear. I was expecting it to flap about – however I filled it more than I thought. Transpires I’ve gone up a cup size.

So not only did I get to be the star of the show but my boobs got bigger. It’s this kind of week you can only dream of!

'PAINT' DRAMA

Child and I have had quite a fraught week.  I'm tired from being pregnant and having a rare immunological disease whilst running my own business and trying to keep house which this week has additionally included cleaning the windows.  She's got a cold.  This leads to grumpy child and grumpy grown up, epitomised beautifully by me putting her on the naughty step in bushy park only to have her take her shorts off and throw them at me!

So tonight I've decided that I'm going to be super uber nice to her.  She's tired and poorly after all - she needs her mummy to be nice.  We snuggled up with some smarties and Peppa Pig.  After a while she disappeared off upstairs to 'get a toy'.  On coming back down the toy turned out to be my mascara and she had painted the backs of her hands, her arms and her cardigan using said mascara.

And breath.  And count to 10.  And breath.

"You know that's naughty to use mummy's mascara like that" I said in a calm but serious voice.  "We need to wash it off your hands".  She screamed.  She ran.  I caught her.  I tried to clean her.  She resisted.  I wrestled her to the floor.  She wiped mascara on the carpet.  I put her on the naughty step.

I didn't shout at her though!  In the two minutes that she sat on the naughty step I put the mascara in the bin.  It's just easier!

Lost child found. Still looking for brain!

I got to the childminder's house to pick up Child.  Knocked on the door - no answer.  I'm now starting to panic a bit.  I've come out without my phone and I didn't check it before leaving the house.  The childminder's car has gone so they've obviously had to dash off.  I try the neighbour on one side who I know is a friend of her's but she's not in either.

But it's OK because one of my Story Storks customers lives the other side!  I knock on her door and she welcomes me with open arms and shows me to her phone so that I can ring my husband.  The plan is that I'll call Hubby, he'll have the childminder's number so he can call and find out where she is.

I explain the situation to him.

He tells me that it's the other childminder who looks after Child on a Tuesday and has done for the past six months.

Clever and pretty!!!!