Plagues hit Clapham

Several things have happened recently which makes me think that my housemate have either incurred gods wrath OR one of the four horsemen has escaped from the other three and is going wild.

Firstly, a couple of weeks ago my housemate left a folder on the floor overnight. The following morning when she picked the folder up there were some maggots underneath it. This is quite random as the folder was pretty much in the middle of the floor. We concluded that the fly who laid the maggots must have been very strong to lift the folder and give birth underneath it!

The following day I was walking back from a job interview and all of Clapham was teeming with flying ants. People were accidentally hitting one another as they were trying to keep the flying ants from crawling up their noses, into their mouths etc.

Then yesterday I returned home from a days work, walked over to the window, pulled the cord on the sash blind and was promptly covered in blue bottle flies. As I said to my boyfriend later, it was like something off X-Factor (I meant X-Files but I was still a bit traumatised). Transpires that the maggots under the folder were just a break-away group from a much bigger bunch of maggots, all of which turned into flies yesterday.

I don’t like flies so trying to get rid of them was a bit of a traumatic experience. Luckily my housemate came home half way through my efforts and finished off the stragglers by hoovering them up in mid-air! Then there was much cleaning.

Now if this is God then these events are darn similar to the fourth plague that happened when Moses was about trying to free the Hebrews. This means we still have death of livestock, boils, hail and locusts amongst other things to look forward to. It’s time to sell the cow me thinks.

TOOTHPASTE

At work the other day one of my colleagues, who works on the Colgate account, was trying to figure out what you call a piece of toothpaste that you would put on a brush. We went through a few thoughts i.e. slug, bit, sample etc. We asked a pharmacist to see if there was an official name. This continued for a while.

I was just getting up to go the kitchen when the answer hit me.

“A KNOB” I yelled at the top of my voice!

Not a word was spoken for the next 5 minutes as everyone was laughing their arse off. It doesn’t help that I work in an open plan office so for most of the people I work with the only part of the conversation they heard was me standing up and yelling "A KNOB".