I stole the idea to start a Blog of a mate of mine, so thought I'd send you a link to his site too. He's fabulously funny!!
http://stuffwhatihavewroted.blogspot.com/
PS It's not a cult - you can look without having to write your own blog!!!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
ACHVIEMENT
I didn't finish the Disaster on the M1 story properly!
When I finally got back to boyfriends house he had run me a bath and cooked me a big bowl of curly fries with cheese.
How sweet.
To be fair though, he did send me off to the midlands in a blow up car!
When I finally got back to boyfriends house he had run me a bath and cooked me a big bowl of curly fries with cheese.
How sweet.
To be fair though, he did send me off to the midlands in a blow up car!
HILARIOUS BRA STORY
BACKGROUND
I'm currently doing an amateur panto and the rehearsals are in a rather awkward place for me to get to (actually, it's not that awkward, it's just that I'm crap at using public transport). Also, I have to get back on my own late at night so my fabulous boyfriend insured me on his car. Unfortunately the car can only be parked outside of his house due to parking permits so when I do use the car I then end up having to either stay at his house, or walk home in the dark on my own. That boy is no fool!!!
You also need to know that there are two girls that live in the flat above boyfriends, and they share a front door.
THE STORY
It was rehearsal night so I went to boyfriends’ house straight from work to pick up the car keys. Knowing that I was going to be staying over at boyfriends’ house I had packed my overnight bag (rucksack for the less glamorous amongst you!). I got to the door step and started rummaging in the bag for the keys. I couldn’t find them so put the bag on the floor to rummage further. I then spotted a bra on the doorstep, laid out completely flat! I thought “How odd”, found my keys, stepped over the bra and went into boyfriends flat.
“Hello boyfriend” I said, “There is a bra on your front doorstep”. “Ah, that’ll be the fox” said boyfriend. It transpires that, despite being highly sophisticated city animals, the foxes in Clapham don’t wear bras. Rather, the fox drags things out of the bin to eat. The theory was that the fox had dragged the bra out of the bin in an attempt to get to some food.
So I grabbed the car keys, stepped over the bra and went on my way to rehearsals. I came back from rehearsals at about 10:30pm and the bra was still there. At this point I thought “Should I hang this bra on the inside door of the girls upstairs?” but decided against it because if the fox had dragged it out of the bin then they clearly don’t want it. I figured that they’d find it in the morning.
I went to bed, went to sleep, got up the next morning and got ready for work. Opened the front door to leave for work and the bra is still there. As it’s now daylight I decide that the bra can’t stay on the front doorstep of my boyfriends’ house. What would the neighbours think! So I bent down to pick up the bra and only then did I realise that it was my bra! It had fallen out of my bag when I was rummaging for the keys.
I took it back into the house and boyfriend washed it for me later that week. You’ll be please to know that the bra is fine and has made a complete recovery from being left on the doorstep all night!
I'm currently doing an amateur panto and the rehearsals are in a rather awkward place for me to get to (actually, it's not that awkward, it's just that I'm crap at using public transport). Also, I have to get back on my own late at night so my fabulous boyfriend insured me on his car. Unfortunately the car can only be parked outside of his house due to parking permits so when I do use the car I then end up having to either stay at his house, or walk home in the dark on my own. That boy is no fool!!!
You also need to know that there are two girls that live in the flat above boyfriends, and they share a front door.
THE STORY
It was rehearsal night so I went to boyfriends’ house straight from work to pick up the car keys. Knowing that I was going to be staying over at boyfriends’ house I had packed my overnight bag (rucksack for the less glamorous amongst you!). I got to the door step and started rummaging in the bag for the keys. I couldn’t find them so put the bag on the floor to rummage further. I then spotted a bra on the doorstep, laid out completely flat! I thought “How odd”, found my keys, stepped over the bra and went into boyfriends flat.
“Hello boyfriend” I said, “There is a bra on your front doorstep”. “Ah, that’ll be the fox” said boyfriend. It transpires that, despite being highly sophisticated city animals, the foxes in Clapham don’t wear bras. Rather, the fox drags things out of the bin to eat. The theory was that the fox had dragged the bra out of the bin in an attempt to get to some food.
So I grabbed the car keys, stepped over the bra and went on my way to rehearsals. I came back from rehearsals at about 10:30pm and the bra was still there. At this point I thought “Should I hang this bra on the inside door of the girls upstairs?” but decided against it because if the fox had dragged it out of the bin then they clearly don’t want it. I figured that they’d find it in the morning.
I went to bed, went to sleep, got up the next morning and got ready for work. Opened the front door to leave for work and the bra is still there. As it’s now daylight I decide that the bra can’t stay on the front doorstep of my boyfriends’ house. What would the neighbours think! So I bent down to pick up the bra and only then did I realise that it was my bra! It had fallen out of my bag when I was rummaging for the keys.
I took it back into the house and boyfriend washed it for me later that week. You’ll be please to know that the bra is fine and has made a complete recovery from being left on the doorstep all night!
Monday, November 21, 2005
Disaster on the M1
I was coming back from my Brothers house, having left early because I needed to get to Southfield's for 2pm for a rehearsal. I'm going down the M1 (not ragging the car as you would expect!!) when I hit a traffic jam. Transpires there had been an accident, so the motorway was pretty much stationary. I crawled past the exit slip for junction 10 and was approaching the bit of the road where the entry slip meets the motorway, in the middle lane, when all of a sudden masses of smoke poured out of the bonnet and engulfed the car. I quickly switched off the engine and proceeded to begin the very important task of panicking! Thankfully a lorry driver got out and pushed me to the side of the road. Then another lady stopped and gave me some water to put into the car, which at this point we had decided was overheating. I had no idea where to put the water, but I took it and thanked her!
Then I phoned my boyfriend who owns the car. "Boyfriend" I said "You're car is broken!!" He told me ring the AA. At this point the woman came back (oddly enough, I think she must have reversed up the hard shoulder) and a Spanish lorry driver got out to help me. The two of them figured out how to open the bonnet, and then the woman left, so the Spanish lorry driver took off the cap and put the water in the appropriate place. By this point the car had cooled so he got in and tried to start it. It wouldn't start. It wasn't until hours afterwards that it occurred to me that the immobiliser was on!! Oops!
So I asked the Spanish lorry driver to help me push the car onto the hard shoulder on the slip road which he did. His work was now done, so he grabbed hold of me, kissed me on both cheeks and ran back to his lorry!
I waited for the car to cool right down, took off the immobiliser and started the car. It started of course, but after about 5 minutes steam was starting to come out again. At this point I decided that clearly I can't drive down the M1 with steam coming out of the car so I'll get the AA to tow me away.
I rang the AA with the membership number that boyfriend had given me and was told that because boyfriend wasn't with the car they wouldn't come and get me. Transpires that it's boyfriend that is covered, not the car. They suggested that I go to one of the orange SOS boxes and call the police who would send out a garage for which I'd have to pay. I put the phone down and cried! Once I'd done that I walked down the motorway to the orange SOS box and called the motorway control room. They were lovely and tried to figure out a way I could be towed for free. We couldn't figure one out so they called a garage to come and tow me away.
Then I went back to the car and prepared to wait. I rang the bank to transfer some money so that I could afford to pay for the tow truck. The end of the conversation went thus.
Bank man "Is there anything else we can do for you Miss Cantrill"
Me "Well, if you could come to the M1 and fix my car that's broken down that
would be great!!"
Bank man "Have you rung green flag?"
Me "No. My boyfriends with the AA but it transpires that it's him that's covered
rather than the car so I'm having to call a garage out"
Bank man "Because you have an additions account you have nationwide breakdown cover
with Green Flag"
Me "Seriously"
Bank man "Yes, seriously. Would you like the number"
Me "God yes"
And so it was that green flag came, put the car on the back of the lorry and drove it back to Clapham. The motorway had been totally closed by now so we went back up the slip road and took the back routes to get to the M25. This was fabulous as we went past Whipsnade zoo so I saw some penguins, some wallabys and some Bison. Hoorah.
I got back to London at about 6pm. I'd left my destination which was 100 miles away at 11am that morning. Boo!
Then I phoned my boyfriend who owns the car. "Boyfriend" I said "You're car is broken!!" He told me ring the AA. At this point the woman came back (oddly enough, I think she must have reversed up the hard shoulder) and a Spanish lorry driver got out to help me. The two of them figured out how to open the bonnet, and then the woman left, so the Spanish lorry driver took off the cap and put the water in the appropriate place. By this point the car had cooled so he got in and tried to start it. It wouldn't start. It wasn't until hours afterwards that it occurred to me that the immobiliser was on!! Oops!
So I asked the Spanish lorry driver to help me push the car onto the hard shoulder on the slip road which he did. His work was now done, so he grabbed hold of me, kissed me on both cheeks and ran back to his lorry!
I waited for the car to cool right down, took off the immobiliser and started the car. It started of course, but after about 5 minutes steam was starting to come out again. At this point I decided that clearly I can't drive down the M1 with steam coming out of the car so I'll get the AA to tow me away.
I rang the AA with the membership number that boyfriend had given me and was told that because boyfriend wasn't with the car they wouldn't come and get me. Transpires that it's boyfriend that is covered, not the car. They suggested that I go to one of the orange SOS boxes and call the police who would send out a garage for which I'd have to pay. I put the phone down and cried! Once I'd done that I walked down the motorway to the orange SOS box and called the motorway control room. They were lovely and tried to figure out a way I could be towed for free. We couldn't figure one out so they called a garage to come and tow me away.
Then I went back to the car and prepared to wait. I rang the bank to transfer some money so that I could afford to pay for the tow truck. The end of the conversation went thus.
Bank man "Is there anything else we can do for you Miss Cantrill"
Me "Well, if you could come to the M1 and fix my car that's broken down that
would be great!!"
Bank man "Have you rung green flag?"
Me "No. My boyfriends with the AA but it transpires that it's him that's covered
rather than the car so I'm having to call a garage out"
Bank man "Because you have an additions account you have nationwide breakdown cover
with Green Flag"
Me "Seriously"
Bank man "Yes, seriously. Would you like the number"
Me "God yes"
And so it was that green flag came, put the car on the back of the lorry and drove it back to Clapham. The motorway had been totally closed by now so we went back up the slip road and took the back routes to get to the M25. This was fabulous as we went past Whipsnade zoo so I saw some penguins, some wallabys and some Bison. Hoorah.
I got back to London at about 6pm. I'd left my destination which was 100 miles away at 11am that morning. Boo!
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